Thank you for sharing your heart... / Allison (nycsmile) (Friend)
I will never forget the first time I heard your voice on my answering machine, “Heeeeeelo Allison, it’s me-- SuziQ” you said it so mischievously, with a grin I imagined gleaming from ear to ear. You knew that I never expected to hear from you. You knew I felt like I did not belong. Hours later, still on that telephone, we were laughing as if we had known each other forever. I remember your posts saying that you cried when I was finally diagnosed and heading for surgery. The skeptic in me thought— No way-- she doesn’t know me well enough to be crying. Well, after getting to know you, I do believe you were crying. You cried because that is how much you cared and how much you loved. You cried because it touched you, so deeply, when others cared and loved you back. You are a lady who led with your heart and was not ashamed of it. You were quite an inspiration to someone like me who always wants to hide that…
But for you Sue, I have cried. I cried because I imagined all that would be missing from the lives of those who knew you longest. I cried because I wanted to hear that mischievous voice again and because I wanted to tease you and hear you laugh again. Up until our last, long, conversation you did laugh. That was amazing to me. You were always trying… always fighting to get your voice heard… and always planning your next strategy. I loved that about you. And the last time I talked to you, when it was getting time for you to go, you startled me with your regular voice! You were so clear and peaceful when you said, “I need to go to sleep now.” I remember the feeling that came over me when I said, “bye SuziQ.” I felt as if you had just made some sort of announcement. It was as if you wanted to make it perfectly clear that you were aware you were going-- going peacefully, to sleep…
So I imagine that is what you are doing now; sleeping peacefully and pain-free. And as you sleep I will remember what you left with me, the feeling that it is o.k. to show my heart and yes, even to cry. But you know me, Sue. You know me well enough to know that I won’t stay there long. In fact, I have this mental image of you in that fancy hairdo, dancing with my bunnies. It makes me smile. So know that, Sue… know that even right now you are able to give me my “smile for the day.”
Thank you, “SuziQ”. Thank you for sharing your heart with me.
Close